So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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