pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
