Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
