I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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