I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
