If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize