It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize