This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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