Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
