you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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