Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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