Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize