if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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