if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Still dying that you shit outside
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize