I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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