just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
