Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
