I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
