when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
