Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
