I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize