whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize