apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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