There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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