is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
