dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
