I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I currently don't understand fingers.
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