so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I had to cum in my sink.
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