i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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