All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
