i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
