we're blogging at a bar
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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