Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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