so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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