yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
