just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
