So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
