Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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