I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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