I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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