Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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