Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
