i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
