...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
