where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
