brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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