Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
