the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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