the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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