Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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