I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
