Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
