i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
