Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
