I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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