i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
