im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it's great music for shaving your balls
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
