Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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