mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
