my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
