We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
