he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
